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Oakie's

Artwork, Design, & Photography of Paydn Augustine
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Deer Camp 21

Hikes, Hills, Miles and muleys.

Deer Camp 21

October 26, 2021

“The drive to Kamas is getting worse every time I come up here.”

That’s the thought I think to myself cruising down UT248, passing by Texas and California license plates that refuse to note the “Keep right except to pass” signs posted, turning off at the new-to-2021 intersection in the once two lane road that’s somehow morphed into five. These mountains, who were once desolate and filled with the promise of isolation and adventure, are now instead being filled with cookie cutter townhomes and duplexs to compliment the resort town of Park City nearby. I’ve got a podcast running about a close encounter of a dog and a rattlesnake so my breath is coming in bated gasps, holding between the news on if she will keep her necrotizing ear or not. Passing through Kamas and past Oakley, the clouds get dark and the sun starts to set behind the old Uinta Mountains that I find myself enveloped more and more into, until I finally hit the bumpy dirt road and continue down the muddy trail.

Pulling up into the camp sight, I take a good look up and down of two folks and their tent set up right at the entrance. Is this my buddy? No way, he said he’d have a camper. I can tell the folks are starting to get a little offput by some odd stranger in his Nissan Murano giving them what probably looks like a squinty mean mug in the dim twilight, so I continue on until BAM, I find the truck and trailer combo I was looking for.

Jayden and I catch up for a bit and I rush to set up my sleeping arrangement before it gets too dark. It’s cold up here, and the late October air is crisp and refreshing. Pine scented winds brush through my jacket and greet my hungry soul with an aroma of comfort. This is my favorite time of the year to be out here in the mountains. As I finish up, I head into the camper, a first time using one in camp for me personally, and I’ve gotta say, it’s pretty damn nice to get out of the cold if you want. I cook up a steak and talk strategies with Jayden about how to approach the morning, this being both our first big game hunts, and we’re wanting to get on the trail early and get some elevation to glass a basin a few miles away. A few jokes are shared, some interesting discussion on space and time pops up as it always does being this deep into nature, and then I head to bead in my hammock. I brought both my underquilts but opted to use the 10F full length from Incubator this time around as I was nervous to test the 30F 3/4th Yeti.

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We get to the trailhead around 5:30, and a ground of guys with headlamps glaring are set up around a stove at their luxury 5th wheel camped just about 15ft from the trailhead. You can tell as we park they get the notion that they gotta start hauling ass, and get up in a hurry to hit the trail before us. We give ‘em a decent head start and make our own way up the little dirt path, slightly muddy and plenty chill. Not long after we catch up to the guys moving at a pace not quite up to ours, and we get stuck behind them, not wanting to but in front as they were, technically, on the trail first. The whole time behind these guys was a bit of a bummer, the morning moon being plenty enough to guide the way down the trail and us having abandoned our headlamps to the backs of our packs.

Eventually, about a mile in and at first light, they let us pass and we get some distance ahead of them before jumping off the path and heading up the ridge I had marked last night. It’s a slog of a climb and we both comment on how the guys on TV make it look a hell of a lot easier than it is, but we get ourselves roughly one-thousand feet up from the trail before we set up a little spot to start glassing the opposing ridge and canyon below.

Only 20 minutes or so in this spot the snow clouds that were once miles away on peaks for from us are now making their way into our area, whiting out the whole overlook and obscuring any real vision of movement we might hope to have. I was deadset on sitting through this misery, but my buddy chimes in a brilliant idea: “let’s build a little fire and wait this thing out.”

As he’s gather the wood and processing it down I get to work finding a good spot and then setting up the little log cabin, the patrician fire starting technique. With ease we get the flames going and the fire is heathy in a matter of seconds, and let me tell you, this was hands down the coziest fire I’ve ever had in my life. Sheltered from the snow in our little pocket on the ridge, one side flanked by the hill and rocks, the other, by a few standing trees and one hefty downed pine. I was sitting against the log and Jayden took up a spot on the small hill, both of us close enough to feel the fires warmth as we sat through the flurry. It wasn’t thick snow, and still not cold enough to stick, but it certainly was dark, moody, and incredible to be apart of. A clearing in the trees let us see all the way out through the valley and to the other ridgeline, fading in and out of view with each pass of freezing downfall. We worked up some coffee and lunch and enjoyed our time for nearly 2 hours before deciding to head out, the storm not looking to clear up any time soon.

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Once we were about 100ft down, the mountain tried to entice back up the hill by letting up a bit on the snow. Maybe it was actually giving us a break for a less slippery decent, but either way we opted just to get back to camp for this day, having been on the hunt for about 7 hours already. Coming down was a bit of a suprise when the thought of, “holy shit we climbed up this?” really starts to hit. It was a steep way down but not too far to be nerve-wracking, rather just a leisurely fun stroll down the hill. We saw a couple other orange vests out on the trail, so I glassed them up with my 12x32’s; They look even more disappointed than we do.

We’re trying to keep our eyes peeled along the way, hoping to see the one miracle buck that gets us a day one bag, but nothing of the sort happens and Jayden sets a pace to get back to camp. We get split off after a little bit though as I, admittedly, got a little distracted trying to take artsy photos down the path. I’d like to think they turned out alright, but I’ll leave that analysis for you, dear viewer.

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Once we get back to camp, Jayden gets the kettle started and shares some fantastic Chai tea he has on hand while I glance over maps and take in the cool outside air with a delicate rain shower passing overhead. This kind of weather is perfect, everything about the day has been phenomenal and I just can’t believe it’s taken me so long to get into a big game hunt. I never had any family or friends who were big into the lifestyle, and rarely get to go out this time of year, always finding excuses or reasons not to head up: It’s too cold, I’m too busy, I’d rather play games. It’s always the same list of options, and every time I do finally force myself to get out, it is without fail my most cherished moments of life. Add to all that the fact that I can jump into a camper to stay warm and still see the views out the window, and it almost feels like I’m cheating at all this, like I am not suffering enough.

After a break we had into town to get a few parts for the trailer as the heater has gone out. Jayden is a hell of a handyman and trained in HVAC, so he knows what’s going on just by putting his ear up to the wall of the interior, as if he knows some secret language of the elder gods uttered only by the mechanical sages and their electric companions.

There’s a BBQ joint in town I’ve been meaning to try and I talk J into hitting the place up for dinner. They’ve got a unique taste to them, real Louisiana style, so the name checks out. Right after finishing the food we ordered to go in the trailer, the sun starts to go out and my eyelids are getting heavy. Normally I can’t sleep until midnight or so, but it’s been a hell of a day and we’ve gotta do it all again tomorrow, so I opt to hit the hay early. I read a few good pages of my latest read, The Denial of Death by Ernest Becker, one I still haven’t finished since my last upload.

I am lulled to sleep by the pitterpatter of rain drops, the rushing creek below, and glaring latino music up the hill coming from another group of campers with an impressive stereo system.

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When I wake up, it’s darker than I thought it would be. I thought the moon may have gone out early, but the thing is, it’s supposed to be out from just about midnight up until first light. I take a peek out of my hammock and see get that super cozy feeling; You’re warm and cuddly in your blankets, the air isn’t too cold, and you look outside to see fresh snow on the ground. I give my tarp a little whack a few times and light begins to shine thorugh, the SilNylon cover having been coated in a few inches of snow during my slumber. This trip just keeps getting better and better, and I get out of bed with a smile on my face and head into the camper. It’s earlier than Yesterday, we both wanted to get out before anyone else, and seeing snow on the ground nearly seals the deal that will be the case. We work up coffee and tea, enjoy the warmth, and then set out on our journey.

As we are walking on the trail, the dim gray of first light begins to open up, and I can already tell we are in for a hell of a sunrise. Not a half mile further and sure enough, like a grand transition, the sky fills with color like a flame beginning to rise. First deep reds, amber and violets speckle the atmosphere, and as we continue along the path it turns to a brilliant gold the glitters off the mountains as if they were graced by the touch of Midas. To think, if I had stayed home, I would still be asleep. I would have never seen something this beautiful.

As the sunlight fades to the normal gray filter customary for cool days up in the woods, we spot a Doe and two older fawns making their way along a nearby creek. This is very exciting, and gives us hope that there just has to be a buck nearby. We continue up into the next target basin, but before long the signs of life that were abundant even in the fresh snow below us have now completely disappeared. We both agree that nothing is going to be up this high, and we turn around to get back into the valley below.

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Once we get into the valley, we set up on an outcropping of rocks and wait for some movement to come through. We spend about an hour in the area and it’s obvious we are both tired, heads occasionally nodding up and down as we catch some intermittent ZZZ’s. It’s forecast to be windy today and it’s just starting to pick up, and it’s a bitter cold bastard wind that rips right through my soft shell jacket and merino layers. I get zipped up and pull my neck gaiter up over my nose to add a little extra warmth, and I’m just comfortable enough to catch a little nap while keeping one eye open in Jayden’s blind spot. It’s his tag, not mine, but I am here to help out regardless and 3 eyes is better than two.

We are in that spot for about an hour before we decide to move further down. We’re scanning up and down the river to check for sign and it certainly is in abundance but no more sightings of quarry for us. We get started down the trail and I spot an opening we hadn’t seen the day before, wide open right next to the river full of good eating for the big brown critters. We cross over the water and set up again, Jayden is in an absolutely perfect spot for an ambush, but mine is more for concealment than for spotting, as the only good glassing I can do it of the cliffside adjacent to us that’s far more suited for mountain goats than mule deer. So, I whip out my camera and being diligently slow as to not alert anything to my prescence, I set the X-T4 to silent mode and start shooting photos of all the little things I see around me.

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We are set up in this spot for a good two hours before we call it a day, making this hunt a 9 hour outing for day 2. That’s all that I had time for so as we get back to camp, I tear my gear down and start getting packed up, wanting to get off the road and back home before nightfall.

Despite not finding a buck or getting a shot to pack out some meat, I loved every single moment of this trip. I am very proud of my buddy Jayden pushing himself way outside his comfort zone to really apply all he has to the hunt and I hope that he finds success, him having taken some 10 days off to get the job done. This trip was a special one in that it taught me just how much I love to get out there in what most would consider “bad conditions” and find solace and peace in it all. It was a stunning time and the natural beauty of autumn in the Uintas was a reminder of why I keep coming back. This is where I belong.

I can’t wait for next year and hope that I get to do this every year for the rest of my life.

Cheers,
PA

This just in:
Literally seconds after I hit the publish button on this post, Jayden sent over a gripngrin with a nice four point buck! Couldn’t be happier for ya bud, congratulations!!!

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End of the Line

Fighting demons on a solo trip to the Grandaddies.

End of the Line

September 19, 2021


I started up the hill towards Grandaddy Basin at about 3PM. It’s a late start, but for me, it feels like it always is. I fell into a daze of awe and giddiness and in my joyous hypnotism I hardly felt the 900ft elevation gain. 

After cresting the saddle at the gateway between East and West Granddaddy Mountains, the Basin of the same name revealed itself to me. Laid before me a pantheon of pine, and chasm of verdant green interspersed with it’s dead and dying kin. The only break in the vast horizon of speckled fauna--besides the great bald rises containing it--was a great shimmering bed of azure aqua. It’s discoverer, George Baird, would say it was “The Granddaddy of them all”, and thus the name had been given. And here I am today, so many years later. 

I wonder to myself, did it always look like this: A sage ocean peppered with black and gray stalks abound, nearly rivalling the living majesty? Or is this place, dying, and already past the halfway point. Asian Pine Beetles have been a stowaway import in our modern industrial age, and the creature has wreaked havoc on this landscape. Perhaps the one great fire, the final purge for this magic place, is what it is needed to bring it back to life? Questions like these are irrelevant to my insignificance. 

I set my camp at Betsy Lake on the West side of her shores. I have a long pitch tonight, and the hammock is tight but workable. I sit by my small campsite overlooking the lake 200 feet away, and brew some ramen noodles for dinner with a small cup of mint tea. 

I light a cigarette and close my eyes. I inhale deeply and let it suffocate my lungs. I exhale. The lake spins waves over it’s timid, dark depths, and I feel the urge to dive. 

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I awake after a rather uncomfortable night of one hour bursts of sleep, still adjusting to the elevation difference from my native 6k to the 10.5k I walk among now. My hammock felt too tight last night, and it was my first time using the 3/4th quilt and sit pad combo in temps of 37F. It wasn’t cold, I was actually quite comfortable, but my breath kept waking me, as the hammock walls pushed my sides in to a compromised position. Oh well, it’s 7:30 and the sun is rising. I get to bringing down my bear bag I had hung in a tree last night, but to my surprise my knot had come loose and the bag is laying on the ground. Luckily, nothing has taken to opening it up or travelling inside!

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Breakfast is a special quinoa grain oatmeal with berries and nuts and is especially fulfilling after the hike yesterday. I have a big order ahead of me now, 5mi of hiking and 4 lakes to fish in this short day. I don’t get to leaving Betsy until 10am, having fished it for an hour or so with no luck. I pass by several lakes on the way to my next destination; Fish Hatchery, Pine Island, and many ponds that dot the landscape remind me of the glacial lands this place once was, until I arrive at the lake I had come to fish, Lilly Pad Lake. 

Lilly Pad Lake was marked for high catch rate high quality Brookies, and when I first arrived I spied a monster of a trout that would have been the biggest fish I've ever caught just off the shoreline. I cast out once with a #12 Irresistible dry but landed out of it's feeding path; on the second cast, the wind picked up and absolutely cucked my cast, throwing my flyline right on top of his head and spooking him off into the deeper waters. From there I had major problems with the wind interfering with casts as it was blowing the exact opposite way I was casting on both sides of the lake. I had sent out a #8 Brown Shiny Leech and got the attention of many young trout who seemed to be more intrigued by the lure than trying to eat it, just following it around on every retrieve. I got a few big bites from the deep ends on the leech, and a few more strikes on a #14 Parachute Allen.

I had to pack up after fishing the lake for 2 hours if I wanted to get to my destination in time to fish (Powell Lake) so I sent out a last cast targeted at a medium brook I saw wading above a sunken branch. Perfect placement, he headed straight towards the fly and gulped the damn thing, when I pulled it out it was about an inch into his mouth, hungry fucker.

As I make my way down the trail, I wonder what it would have been like to be one of the first to venture through this cathedral of Lodgepole Pine, with no definitive trail. I think of the joy it would incur to come upon a lake, undisturbed by people for perhaps hundreds of years before you, completely alone and yet still a part of it all. My mind wanders to the ghosts in this labyrinth; How many souls has the mountain claimed? Below my very boots may have been a man who could not spare one more mile, a lake to have saved his life, but slain by fatigue. Or perhaps that’s a modern man’s fragile take on those who came before, which were with no doubt harder, faster, better, stronger. I hope I die among the pines, and my ghost will guide those who come after me towards their destination.




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Arriving at Governor Dern Lake was a special moment for me. The trail behind me had been a particularly hot one and I opted not to drink any water until I got to the lake which was about 2.5 miles from the last stop. Seeing this lake was exactly what I imagine to be a picturesque deep Uinta Country lake - pine trees with small primitive camps nestled with, large open fields and marshes, grassy paths and crystal clear water. This lake was supposed to have Quality Cutthroat in it's waters, but I didn't see a single fish rise during my time there and the side I was on was particularly shallow. I waded out about 30 yards until the mud was swallowing up to my knee, casting there still led to no bites or shows. Still, it was great to take off the boots and enjoy the cool water for a bit. I stayed here for about 40 minutes to take in the scenery, the peaks I've been to in the distance seeming an eternity away.

I light a cigarette, and inhale deeply. I exhale, and the valley whispers to me, here is a good place to go. Here is a good place to leave.

Govn. Dern Lake was a bit of a let down, but I was excited to get to the next place. There are 2 lakes I want to make it to, one that is even further up the mountain in the Four Lakes Basin, and one that is on my way back up the trail to Grandaddy. I decide on the latter as it’s already 4pm and I need to get some fish in me, my body already furious that I’ve not eaten any “real” food in more than 48 hours now. I made my way towards Powell Lake, excitedly, as I was eager to show it to a friend who shares its name and the lake that is furthest from the beaten trail that I will be visiting on this trip.

I pass by Rainbow Lake, then Lost Lake, and take an abrupt left turn directly into the treeline. Off the path and stepping over trees, boulders, and marshes, this is what a true outdoorsman lives for--getting to the place off the trail. As I make my way down the half mile bushwhack to Powell, I find myself almost teleported from a once beautiful and serene surrounding to a hellscape of death and ash; I walk now in the wake of the East Fork Wildfire that ravaged this basin last year, along with one of my favorite places right next door, Brown Duck Basin. The rest of my 20 minute hike is through this place, stepping foot over log with the occasional rub of ash onto the skin of my legs, now pasted with soot and white ash kicked up from my boots. I finally arrive at Powell, and not a fish is seen rising, nothing under the water that I can see either. The Lake itself stands like an oasis in hell, like a scene from some surrealist fiction film. The bones of the forest still stand around the lake, innumerable in force, the legion of death surrounds the small bastion of a green garrison to the North East of the lake, likely unburned by the mercy of the wind. 

I cast out a few flies to coax anything from the depths, but nothing bites. I don’t feel comfortable staying in this place, whose ghosts are more disturbing to me than the thought of wild animal interaction, or worse, human neighbors. I press on back to the trail, carving my way back up the hill, dredging through the desert of ashen soil until I hit the treeline again, then, the trail. Thanks to the work of the Forest Service, or God himself, this veil of living pine is an easy distraction from what lay beyond just a few hundred paces away. Many people will never see the destruction wrought.

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As I look around Lost Lake to set up a campsite, I have difficulty deciding where to establish my domain. One spot, too close to the lake to be legal, the other, too far for good fishing access, and I’m getting tired. A 9 mile day has me drained, and all I can think of is rest. I set up at the spot with bad access and remember I forgot my tarp stakes and tie outs. Last night was 0% chance of rain, and I slept without pulling the tarp out, but tonight the forecast is less favorable, and the Uintas always seek to surprise. Fortunately, I did bring an extra set of hammock suspensions, and what I thought would be a real jerry-rigged setup actually turns out perfect and stable. 




I cook dinner, then slide into the hammock at 8:00pm. An all too brief survey of Lost Lake showed no surfacing trout, and I wouldn’t be bothered to cast out anyway. My heart was set on fishing Powell, and now I am too exhausted to throw any more line to the liquid mirror. I break open the book I’ve been reading, Ernst Becker’s ‘The Denial of Death’, and continue into the tome. I finish at 50 pages before my eyes are too heavy, and I pass out. I wake with the book on my chest at 11PM, and get up out of the hammock to take a leak and get a drink. As I get back into my much more comfortable abode, a sound I’ve been eager to hear rips out in the distance: No mistaking the rugged squeal, an elk bugle in the pale moonlight. Not long after, a second buck rips out, this one much closer to me, and they shout at each other in one of the most beautiful territorial arguments I’ve heard. The calls continue for 20 minutes, and offer me the lullaby I’ve dreamt of for many years, enhanced by the percussion of snapping trees as the temperatures drop.




I Light a cigarette, and inhale deeply. I close my eyes, and the Elk assures me that sometimes, you just need to listen to the sounds that mother nature makes all by herself. You are one of us, after all.




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I meditate deeply on the trip I’ve been on. I think all about this past year, all the changes I’ve been through, the highest of highs, and my personal all time lows. I’ve achieved dreams this year, and I’ve killed pieces of my soul. I’ve failed more than I’ve failed in my life, and yet, I have achieved more than ever before; The dictator of this mortal coil has dealt me a wicked hand of extreme balance. After all the philosophical musings I partake to myself, alone for all this time, the fact of the matter comes in clear. 

I did not take on this trip to fish for trout, or to log so many miles. While these are great and heroic undertakings that I should be happy to accept, my reason to be here is to fight the demons I have harboured through this cataclysmic time of my life. During my descent into darkness, I slowly but assuredly relapsed into nicotine addiction. It started simple, I smoked a single cigarette on a day I was particularly stressed early in January, and threw away the entire pack, knowing the temptation I played with. But as weeks and months passed, I was engrossed with my own heroes and icons, and good times to be had at the tip of a cigarette.

I inhaled deeply to remind myself of the fatigue, disgust, and fetid decay that each drag costs me. As I put out each cigarette, I am filled with regret. When I quit once before, it was largely inspired by and for someone else. Of course I quit for myself as well, but there were memories associated with this person that made my addiction dependent on it. And then, I ripped that person out of my life. This trip is the End of the Line. This trip is to put the final breath away, and this trip is for me to contemplate deeply. I chose lost lake not so much arbitrarily, but because through this year, the emotion I have felt more than any, is Lost. And as I hold this last cigarette in my hand, I think, maybe I will still be lost after all this? That will be for me to figure out in the days, months, years to come. 

I light a cigarette, and close my eyes. This is the End of the Line.

This is the end of the line. 

This is the end of the..

This, the end...

This is just the beginning.

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Desert Run

35 miles from the nearest paved road, and 24 hours
with the Catcus Kid and his Bandito Buddies

Desert Run

May 18, 2021

“What’s the holdup?” The message read, I trying my best not to sound as irritated as I was that we still haven’t left, an hour and a half after I said I was ready to go. The plan had been to leave yesterday and arrive in the dark, the trip itself was going to take us about 4.5 hours and we still needed to stop for fuel and whiskey—no camp with both Jlowe and Myself present would be complete without it— and I was still waiting on him to get back to his place. Not 5 minutes after I sent the text he rolled up on his mighty steel steed, a ravenous 650hp bike of belching fury, parked it and we rushed into his apartment to get loaded up and out. We had rushed so quickly that, by the time we were at the liquor store 20 minutes later, he turned to me nonchalantly and stated, “oh hey, I actually forgot to pack a sleeping bag. Think I’ll be alright?” “yeah, I’ve got a pad and a wool blanket you can use. It shouldn’t get too cold out there.” I replied.

As we burned down US-6—a road I’m well familiar with after getting skunked turkey hunting over and over in a canyon along the way—we can’t seem to stop getting paired up with the most formidable of assholes God or Bog has planted on his little green planet. Rows on cars stretching 8 vehicles or more seemingly all having grown up in opposite land (or California) rolling through passing lanes with big signs saying “KEEP RIGHT” but strictly adhering to the left of the road; Others still being the kind that likes to roll on at 55mph, 15 below the limit, in the single lane sections but immediately racing you to 85 preventing the pass. One white Ford, in particular, had a bone to pick with us for some reason —it must be my roguishly handsome features of course— but wouldn’t let us pass until we started rolling through Helper.

Finally getting to the start of the dirt roads, I thought for sure Google Maps must be wrong. We were blazing down those highways when we could, and it says we still have an hour and a half? We’re at the dirt! No way. Boy were we in for it. The road starts by winding over shallow badlands and plains, Antelope land, cattle land, wildland, our land. The parts of the state that really make you remember what 80% of Utah is composed of, endless fields and mountain ranges all within the hands of the Bureau of Land Management, pledging this land to you, to us, the people!

But the roads carry on, and we’re suddenly 30 minutes on this dirt lane cruising 55 miles an hour when the road starts to fall into this canyon that almost seems to appear out of nowhere. It starts with a couple of hills then suddenly we are surrounded by sheer cliff faces some 200 feet high, many soaring to heights over 500ft. Monstrous buttes begin to pop out between the cracks and valleys in the mountain, and just as soon as we were eaten up by this massive fold of land, we’re spat back out into a valley surrounded by colossal geographic behemoths. Millions of years of weather, mostly infrequent but powerful flash floods, have left this landscape eroded to extreme monuments to the perseverance of stone or the tenacity of water, whatever you choose to think of it as, the old rocks have long outlived homo sapiens and have the chops to show it.

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We continue on the adventure along the winding road, now what I would call a “real” dirt road; that is, littered with rocks, small boulders, sharp dips and a whole ton of bouncing up and down. Seatbelts are irrelevant and are disconnected with pleasure, we step out for a moment to stretch out and I check google again; another 45 minutes? No fucking way, we’ve been on the road for ages! The idea is puzzling but taking in the vastness and remoteness of the location, I start to think it might be on to something.

We’re supposed to be meeting Parker —the Cactus Kid and organizer of our party— out here somewhere, and he drove a party van out here, complete with CRT TV set and VHS player. Justin and I both ponder through nervous laughter how he would have gotten past some of the terrain in the slug bus and with each heavy bump and moment of “oh I should have taken that slower” I start to think we might find a couple of fellas out next to a van, buzzards picking at their dehydrated bones. I’m glad we didn’t drive out here last night, or the road would have been hell to navigate.

We finally come to the last bend and we see it, a big black van with shag drape curtains and all, parked precariously over a bump nearly losing it’s balanced on a corner of the vehicle and looking like it’s ready to tumble some 30 feet into the ravine below. It’s only now, as I write this passage, I am filled with regret to not having taken a photo of the scene. Jumping out of the Murano, we look around and call out to the Kid, but no answer comes back.

I’m scanning the horizon but see nothing besides the landmark we are camping near, Mexican Mountain, and countless canyons that lead to the river that carved this place. I grab my nockers —that’s bino’s, people, get your head out of the gutter— and put eyes to glass. I’m still not seeing anything at road level, so I climb up on a ridge to get a better vantage point, and immediately visible just about a hundred yards away is Parker and Sam, chopping up some firewood and looking to prepare dinner for the night. I call out to let them know we’ve arrived, having only seen one other car many many miles before this meetup and no souls beyond that.

We drag our gear down and after introductions and catching up, we get to pitching camp up as the sun is setting fast. Once it hits the rocks, it’s gone for good and I’m racing against twilight to get setup. I have a new kind of camp today, one that I wanted to be a bit more prepared for and perhaps in the future will be. The idea was to pick up some rock climbing cams from REI on my way over to set up my hammock, but all the circumstances prevented it, and I had to run a risk of using my standard 1” webbing on the razor-sharp claws of the carved sandstone boulders around me. It’s spooky business, especially considering I’m sleeping over even more of the sharp rock and a 3 ft ledge that drops down to about a 5ft drop below my foot end. “Hell, at least it won’t slip away” I laugh to myself as I wrap the webbing around the rock, and the bowled teeth gnaw into the soft strap. I cautiously test the hammock and I swing to and fro with cautious confidence: I should be just fine.

The ante is up on this trip in particular, as it’s not just the hang that is different, but also the entire setup. The entire reason we were running a day late is that I had to wait for a package to be delivered, and now was the time to play with my new toys. A brand new Warbonnet El Dorado and Yeti underquilt, custom-built to my spec. 950fp with a 30F heat rating, tonight I should sleep like a baby.

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The sun fades away and we all start cooking dinner. Ol’ Cactus Kid is cooking up some tasty burgers on a stone slab grill and offers everyone their own burger, which I must admit I didn’t expect but really enjoyed. It was a treat to have a burger out here, and even without a bun it tasted fantastic; freshly sliced tomatoes, mayo, ketchup, and the rest. If there’s one thing these car camper folks do better than your humble narrator, it’s over prepping with delicious grub. Not to discount my main course by any means, as just opening the cooler I brought reveals to the world an aroma of decadence reserved for special occasions—mine typically being “dinner while I am alive—a seasoned and salted, 24-hour dry-aged prestige ribeye. I grill in on the slab that was host to the burgers and let it sizzle away atop nature’s perfect slow sear grill, occasionally scooting coals under the rock to maintain a good heat. There’s only one thing I love more than a sous vide steak, and that’s a steak grilled anywhere for away from civilization.

After dinner, I begin to run around camp taking photos of the night sky. I came out here with high hopes of a good opportunity to take some astrophoto, and it was a real treat to have been there for this special night. Moody clouds and a crescent moon filled the early night but as Luna left us she corralled the clouds with her and we were left with a mostly cloudless night, revealing the Milky Way just over monolithic Mexican Mountain, and in plain view of our campsite. The stars were as bright as they could possibly be, and it’s now that I’m starting to realize the 4-hour one-way drive would be completely worth it.

The bourbon starts to flow and we’re all starting to get a little more cozy, still surprised at just how warm it still is outside. By 11 pm it’s still nice enough to keep sleeves rolled up and sit on stones, no jackets required. Between shots and stories, I try to snap more photos, frantically switching between lenses until I can’t remember what I used for which photos, not that it would matter as I fudged to 38mm Zuiko’s main function; keeping her aperture as wide as possible at f/1.8 to bring in all the light and all the bokeh. It’s a portrait lens, and I have it drawn to a measly f/4.0 for nearly the entirety of this trip. Whoopsies.

After a few hours, Sam begins to get ready for bed as the remaining three of us decide to set out on a night hike. I haven’t been on a good night hike in ages, and having far more nifty tech than I did in the past, I —perhaps foolishly— feel more confidant than ever about going into the labyrinth of canyons, drunk in the dark. I start up the GPS and we follow a wash for a measly half mile before coming to a steep drop-off, and we post up for a moment to watch the stars. A screech breaks out and I can tell my two friends are set to uneasy curiosity as they as what it was and begin to whoop and howl back at it. I asked them to quiet down and just listen, and I hear what is without a doubt a toad croaking in the night. It’s cool to shut off the headlamps and stare at the stars overhead in this little wash, with the ever-present idea that, should a trickle of water begin to puddle past us, we would likely all be dead within minutes if we didn’t high tail it out of there before the ensuing flood.

We head back to camp and even Parker is starting to get drowsy, so we down a couple more beers and pulls then head back to the van to get Justin set up for the night. It’s a comfy bed inside, limo lights and all as Parker throws on the battery and pushes a tape into the VCR; In no time flat, we’re out in the desert watching tonight’s headline feature, The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly. Lee Van Cleef, my boy, looking stone-cold as ever. “When I get paid, I finish the job”.

We make our way back to camp and put the Cactus lad to bed, and now it’s just me and the fella I rode in with. We get deep into conversation about serious this and that, future plans and how to improve, typical drunken camp duo talk, and we cook up some jet-boiled Oscar Myer’s on the side of a hill, looking out to our friendly mountain. Eventually, it’s time for Justin to hit the sack too, and then it’s just me, feeling more at home now in the middle of nowhere alone than I did with friends surrounding me. Don’t get me wrong, I certainly prefer having others with me when I’m on an adventure, but getting out is just more important to me than some others, and when I make time, many can’t, so I’m just more experienced on the lonesome trail.

Staring back up at the stars, I turn to the small butte outside our camp, and I’m greeting with a sight I’ve been wanting to capture for years now: The Big Dipper, Ursa Major, leaning atop a beautifully positioned terrestrial foreground to make the composition that much more interesting. Catching The Moon, The Milky Way, Jupiter over Mexican Mountain, Ursa Minor, Cassiopeia, and Andromeda all in one night was more than enough to send me to bed feeling accomplished as could be; This last blessing from the stars above me instead promises that I will have a hard time making a better astrophoto night than this without some serious planning and homework ahead of time.

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Going to bed drunk at 4am means a lot of things, but in the desert, it means that you’re going to be rudely awoken by an unforgiving star in far less time than you’d hope to have slept. It starts at my eyes, my head being on the west side of camp, and I pull my underquilt up from beneath me as a sunshade over my bug net, but it didn’t provide shelter for long. before I know it I’m too hot to stay in bed, so I —very disoriented— fumbled my boots on, still numb and drowsy, and crawled into a nearby cave carved by flash floods. It was cool and even the sand felt cold compared to the air outside, so I hid in here with my water bottle for about a half-hour before I had the strength to go out into the sun and make some oats and coffee.

I came to my senses rather quickly after that, eager to go on a hike and explore the terrain. I wanted to make my way to the river further East, and soak my feet for an afternoon picnic. Attempting to wretch Justin awake played out the way it typically does, he’s the kind of guy that really likes to sleep til noon. I at least had to head up and open the van doors for him to get some air flowing or we’d be driving back a well-done friend, oven-baked. Sam, Parker, and I set out on our hike and pooled our collective knowledge of history, geography, and wildlife to everyone’s benefit, as I believe we all actually learned something from one another along that hike in the desert, about the desert. That’s a treat I never expect but am always more than happy to take away from a campout.

After a while on the trail, we came to a fork where one way went into the canyon and the other rose above it. I chose to take the high ground and the other two set out into the belly of the beast, now completely surrounded by the hallmark red stones of Utah and Colorado. I was happy to have filled my Nalgene with ice and cold water, as each sip was like a small rush of endorphins every time the cool clear water graced my parched tongue.

I had worn a tank top as long as I could but the sunscreen was starting to fail, and I had to layer up a light hooded jacket to keep from totally frying. I’m always surprised throwing the OR Ferrosi hoody on, because I’m expecting to be overwhelmingly uncomfortable, but it breathes so damn good it actually feels better under here. With the extra volume of the jacket now free in my backpack, I scope out a few cool-looking rocks and throw them in the pack for a friend back home who obsessively collects interesting stones. She’ll have a hoot with these ones, and I’ll have just as good a time getting the extra little workout in from hiking the weight another 4 miles.

As I peek over the edge of the cliff I’m caught off guard by just how high up I’ve risen. It seemed like such a short hike up, but now the canyon I once gazed up towards is all beneath my feet, and the horizon I walked from, where my camp is hidden, seems completely flat as if I could walk straight into oblivion and reach the coast with ease.

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I had intended to reunite with Parker and Sam but I wasn’t really wanting to follow their prints into the canyon and head back to camp late, who knows how long we’d be out there, and Justin and I had to get back early for work and rest. We planned on leaving around 3, so I set back out to the river, took off my boots, rolled up my pants, and waded into the water.

Warm on the edges but refreshingly cool in the middle, I sat there for another 20 minutes, alone in the absolute serenity of the oasis. To be honest, I haven’t felt this kind of peace or tranquility in a very long time, having flashbacks to an imaginary past of being a westerner or native, passing through and being thankful for all the desert has to provide however sparse it may be. I can see a dead crawdad floating in the water and think about trying to find more, bringing them back for a midday freshwater snack but ultimately decide that the peace of the moment is enough. This feeling was for me, and I couldn’t have been happier. I take off my baseball cap and swish it in the cold water until it’s completely soaked and put it back on, a trick I always recommend on hot hikes.

After I get back to camp, we hang out for a bit and Justin gets a little climbing in, then we say our goodbyes and set off. On our way back we decide to comb a few boulders along the road and have as much fun as we can before hitting the long and boring highway back to town, and I’m able to snap some photos with that old Zuiko lens, fully dilated at f/1.8, and man are the shots dramatic. I’ll have to remember to keep it wedged right there because it’s simply stunning what kind of shots the old retro Olympus lens can dish out.

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It’s been a

wild

ride.

2021 hard burn.

It's been a wild ride

May 03, 2021

It’s been a wild ride. It’s been a long road, and this road has been dark. Those sound like song lyrics written by someone else, but who’s to say. I lost my way along the road. Early on I was burning the midnight oil, rising early and getting even more done in the morning than I had ever dreamed the night before. All for my dream, my idea, my little idea of freedom. But the dream died fast, and after a month of creative rolling I had burned out to terror as the costs of life loomed. This terror inspired discomfort and procrastination, and what I had planned on spending as months of winter fly fishing and snowshoeing turned instead to dreary, late nights drunk alone, siphoning from my dwindling savings and living off nothing but eggs and bacon for every meal, every day. What happened to me? It couldn’t have been as simple as a failure, but that simply as there was to it.

A Failed effort to succeed through freelance as clients left, projects dwindled, and bridges were burned. A failure to launch a product I still love, stalled in limbo so long as I refuse the pay-to-play model of advertising that promises sales on the horizon for a meager $500/week. And a failure to land the dream job I put everything into, the last of my money going towards printing out intricate resume’s and portfolios (copies of each, bound together) to drop off in person, writing and re-writing—all for nothing as “we are not ready to fill the position right now”. 2021 kicked off with more than just failure, it was outright defeat on every corner. Nothing at all could wretch me from my daily grind of battling hangovers and continuing a workout routine involving some miles and kettlebells.

I had one moment of clarity when I ran 48 miles in 48 hours, but beyond that, I was in moving through the coldest winter of my life, and through it all, I had never felt more alone. As spring inches ever closer to summer, a breakthrough happened and suddenly I wasn’t just offered three positions, but positions all to places I wanted to work at, with one standing out above them all. Eagerness overtook me and I began my new job as a “Junior” designer, but I haven’t worked so hard or so enthusiastically on any project for months, in this capacity (in an office), I wouldn’t have felt this vigor in 5 years. Where my last position left me feeling soulless, undervalued, and underappreciated, my new venture has proven to be everything the opposite. I am finally proud of the content I create, my team is eager for me to produce more, and I am in the company of only individuals whom I hold in high regard. The culture is right within my dream job’s idea; A marketing team dedicated to good design, outdoor adventure, and a toast to ending the week.

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During my jubilation, my friends also started warming to the idea of going outdoors again, something that is increasingly rare among my dearest company. I couldn’t have been happier to greet them in the desert with a brand new camera all of my own, my Fujifilm X-T4.

We all rode out into the desert, Jayden following us on his bike for a short picnic before work. The air was crisp and cool, not too hot and not too cold. As the sun set, the coyotes began to sing, as if they too wanted to celebrate with us as we lit the fire and danced the night away. Smiles were shared, laughter echoed across the wasted badlands, and finally if just for a night, I felt human again. It was a wonderful escape, something I desperately needed — and knew I needed — but never got around to wrenching myself from the well of despair I threw myself into. So many friends have said this period of my life will be a rebirth, a new chapter. I fear what I may become, but for now, I will just hold on and try to make every single good time spent with friends last just a little longer.

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Timpanogos Summit

Well, that took a while…

Timpanogos Summit

November 18, 2020

It’s been almost a month and a half since I made the climb, I almost forgot to write about it entirely. With everything going on in the world today it can be easy to lose track of the little things, like keeping up on your outdoors blog. Regardless, here we are, and I hope you’re still willing to come with me on a little adventure to the top of a mountain.

It all started at roughly 3:30am. My alarm let loose the smooth tunes of the middle of David Bowie’s ‘Changes’, playing from a local radio station, but I didn’t let Ziggy get more than 2 words out; I couldn’t, otherwise I’d be waking up my girlfriend next to me, and lord knows there’d be hell to pay if I interrupt the beauty sleep. I threw some clothes on and shambled to the kitchen, heated up the kettle and poured myself a cup of MTNOPS “Hot Ignite”, starting the day off with some edge. As I packed my gear into a 25L backpack, I pondered if it would be enough, or if I was taking too much. 2 jackets, a base layer, thin glove liners and 3L of water, along with some almonds and electrolyte compounds. I moved back and forth between taking the two jackets and not; I couldn’t decide, so I left one on my shoulder as I made my way to the car, thinking that if it’s cold enough at the trailhead, I’ll pack it with me.

I had downloaded several podcasts for the journey, and started off with Dan Carlin’s first ‘Common Sense’ episode in nearly 5 months, "Show 320: Steering Into the Iceberg”, a bit of a diatribe on the current political situation of the world before the Election of 2020. Winding up the canyon roads in pure darkness is always a bit of an adventure in itself, especially when it’s on a road I’ve never been up. The turns and curves gave an eerie sense of a labyrinth traversal, as if upon on of the swerves I’d be met with a minotaur glaring down my headlights. Finally arriving at my destination, I felt a bit of irritation sweep over me as I parked in front of roughly 20 headlamps glowing and darting around the trailhead in a giant group. “Ah, is this really how crowded this trail is?” I pondered. A quick fee payment left me just a few minutes behind the large group, seeming to be a bible group making their way to the top. I decided to start the trail off with a trail run, switching my headlamp to high and making my way up the mountain to pass my fellow climbers in the starry morning. Gazing further up to the dark mountain, I can see smalelr groups of 1-3 headlamps, scattered all throughout, making their way to the top as well. I can’t even see Mt. Timpanogos anymore, just the shade of the mountains around me and the glowing sky above.

I’d say I was making good progress but if felt like every time I would stop running, I’d be passed by another trail runner, far more athletic than myself, just cruising up the mountain. I’d like to learn from these fantastic people some day, and maybe run a mountain of my own all the way; But for now, a walk with myself is apt enough, having passed the large group of people some time ago and now finally being alone. My favorite time of day to hike is right in the pre-dawn darkness of 4:30-6am. Something about being able to take the headlamp off and barely make out what is in front of you gets me invigorated and excited, listening to the forest come alive and being apart of that cacophony of life. It’s an impeccable feeling, and the time came as I crested the first little basin on the trail, about the first long stretch.

When I look back on the hike, I think of it having 3 or 4 distinct “areas” of interest. There’s the thick, verdant trail that starts at the parking lot and moves up to an outlook of the area you just went through, then a two “layered” valley or basin that gives a glorious view of TImpanogos and the surrounding Wasatch mountains to the South. The first basin is covered in Aspen and pine, but the second is mostly alpine, above the treeline with only a few ancient pines standing among the barren waste. This is where I was able to find my first bit of wildlife in the trip, nearly past the halfway mark on the way up; A small herd of White Tail Deer grazing on the hillside. The wind was blowing against us, and they must have been somewhat acclimated to human presence as the really didn’t care too much for us on the trail some 50yrds away.

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Moving further up, the next podcast in the list, JRE episode 1543 with Brian Muraresku and Graham Hancock was and enlightening journey into human history and the use of psychedelic substances throughout our culture to meet gods and ascend to higher planes of consciousness. The podcast continued with me up the winding paths or rock, bleached and smoothened by the constant hammering of human tread, until I reached the saddle of Timpanogos. The view from this point alone was gorgeous and invigorating, as an icy cool wind blasted over the rocky mountainside. You can see the entire Utah valley from this point, reaching out towards the West Desert and even pieces of the Salt Lake Valley, athough mostly obscured by Timp’s Northern summit. The only way to see beyond this stone behemoth is to ascend Timpanogos Proper, the true “summit” of the mountain range and the most prominent peak.

So begins the tight scramble up towards the highest point, and as a first-timer going up, this little section gave me a bit more anxiety than I’ve ever felt on a mountain before. Perhaps it was the tight cliffs and seemingly deathly void of drops all around, or maybe it was the lack of a truly clear path - of which I often ventured off by accident - but the climb certainly got my hands to perspire a bit. It wasn’t more than 30 minutes to the top of the mountain, however, and just as I reached the summit, the podcast ended, convincing me to buy Muraresku’s book ‘The Immortality Key’ from the excellent adventure they’d just accompanied me on. The top of the mountain has a small hut for climbers to take shelter from the harsh winds, and I was surprised to find many more people here at the top than I had seen coming up. The view at this point was remarkable, and worth the hike in its entirety; Views of Heber and Jordanelle Reservoir, The Salt Lake Valley, Utah County, and the Southern stretch of the Wasatch.

This was my first ever ultra-prominent climb, and I can easily see why so many people are addicted to climbing these colossal structures; the old adage of “climbing the mountain” being an irrefutable point of difficulty and achievement stands to testament here. Photos can give a kind of description, and words can help fill the imagination with ideas and empathetic emotions to what one sees and feels at the top of these peaks, but you really don’t know what it’s like until you get all the way to the top. You’re apart of something at that point that for some reason, many people won’t ever make the commitment to achieve. There’s a sense of wholeness here, like the “Hivemind switch” in our normally apeish brain is flipped, and I feel in the moment that I am no longer me, but apart of something greater than me. There’s a sense of universal insignificance every time I get to the top of a sharp mountain, when I look up it feels like I can almost scrape away the blue and thrust my hand into the black inky void that lies beyond my comfortable layer of ozone. It’s an incredible place to be, not just physically, but mentally; perhaps more so the latter.

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Coming down the mountain felt even more strenuous than going up. After getting to the top, I felt extra fresh and began trail running some miles down, but I had to constantly take stops to admire the now true beauty of the landscape coming to life in the warm afternoon sun. Yellow leaves and gradients of green, crimson, orange and purple exploded in saturation along the trails and hills to astonishing levels I feel I have never seen. Although the life of this place was on it’s way out for the season, it was surely giving one great last bang in it’s presentation to us that can admire it.

Running down the mountain felt almost longer than going up, and after finally making it all the way down the trail of lovely foliage, I was able to gaze back upon my journey and see what I was unable to at the start of the day: Mt. Timpanogos, covered in a navy shade, almost obscured, smiling back on the little parking lot some 8 miles away.

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